Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Pressure....




I have been working (and working and working….) on my first e-book, called Child’s Play. In my newsletter, I advertised that it would be out “around February 21.” Boy, am I glad I wrote “around”! My daughter questioned me on that- “Shouldn’t we just say February 21?” 
“No,” I told her. “Trust me. ‘Around’ is fine, and it is appropriate….”

Actually my original goal date was February 7, but I thought, I’ll give myself 2 extra weeks, that should be fine. More than enough time.

Wrong.

I keep coming up with ideas to make it better. I keep thinking of things to add. I want it to be just right. I won’t say I want it to be perfect- because I know that as soon as I hit the send button I will think of something else I should have done differently.

The truth is…. It’s just not ready yet, and I don’t want to put it out there simply to stay on schedule. I want it to be great. I want it to be, like, the best book you’ve ever read! OK so it’s not Shakespeare and I’m not Martha Stewart, but you know what I mean.

I am struggling to not put pressure on myself. Most of the stress that I feel every day is self-induced, based on expectations that I place on myself. I think of everything that I want to do and everything that I think I should do and everything I could do if only there were 10 more of me….. and I get so overwhelmed. Last night I was making a list of things that I “needed” to do by the end of the week, and I started to hyperventilate a little. How in the world was it all going to get done??? And then I stopped and asked myself- what will happen if you don’t get any of it done? Will the world end? Probably not. Will you get fired? (Only if I fire myself, which, trust me, has crossed my mind on occasion….) Will God or your family or friends stop loving you? Absolutely not.

Now, I do have things that would be prudent to take care of- for example, I have paid someone a rather large sum of money to help me build a new website. So I should work on that, so I don’t throw that money down the toilet. And I probably should try to get this book done in a reasonable amount of time…. But the world won’t stop spinning if I don’t.  (And of course there’s the pressure of: once it’s done, will anybody actually buy it?? But that is angst for another day….)

So today I am taking myself out for lunch at a cute café with lovely salads and free wi-fi and I will probably just hang out. And I will probably get myself one of those fancy 4,000 calorie drinks (with whipped cream, thank you very much.)

And I won’t feel bad about it. Not one little bit. (OK, honestly, maybe I’ll feel a little guilty about it, but I’m working on that.)

10 comments:

  1. I think we always think of one more thing that we could have done, and then never get anything finished;) A day out, away from home sounds like a good way to relax and refresh your mind.

    Debbie

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    1. Part of it is that this is just my personality- I've always been kind of driven and competitive- I just need to "manage" myself ha ha.

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  2. A day off doing what you have planned sounds wonderful and just what you need Jacquelynne! You'll get everything done and just the way you want it....no hurry!

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    1. Yes well that is what I try to tell myself.... but I am a "hurry-er"!!

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  3. I can so relate Jacquelynne! I think most of the pressure we women experience is self-induced. But you seem to be keeping your balance and realizing that you can let a little of the pressure off when it gets too "explosive" - enjoy your day! And enjoy those 4,000 calories too =^..^= Then get back to work LOL!!!

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    1. Ahhhh- liberal doses of sugar and caffeine always seem to do the trick :)
      I DID enjoy my extra liquid calories....

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  4. I use to be a hurry-er and it took alot of joy out of things. Now I put all the pressure and stress things in a box and hand it to God to hold at night and I trust that he will give them back when the time is right. I find that I dont get all rushed and hectic now and I enjoy things alot more. Also, everything gets done when it is their time to get done.

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    1. I agree Kate- I just need a constant reminder of that! I forget a lot.... But I have come to realize that if opportunities present themselves and I'm not ready for them the first time around, they will come back at the proper time.
      As I mentioned above- it's just my personality. I am one of those high strung people, and I just have to remind myself to prioritize (and realize that not EVERYTHING is high priority ha ha!)

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  5. Like I always say nobody is going to list on my headstone all the things I didn't get done and if they do I won't care. I am sorry to read that you are feeling lots of pressure to get your book done. Your work is always beautiful and I am sure this book will be the same. If you think of something later you wish you would have added those of us that purchase it won't know and it could possibly be the start of your next book. It is so hard though to let go of the pressure that we put ourselves under at times. Hope you had a great day off.

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    1. Thanks Judy! I DID have a nice afternoon off. It's not so much the book itself... it's that I have so much going on at the same time (such is life!) I really do LOVE doing the books- it's one of my very favorite things. Now I would just like to finish it up so I can move on to something else :)

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